Legal writers should convey ideas straightforwardly, using as few words as possible without sacrificing necessary meaning or precision. The law is complex enough; our prose must not add complexity.
The examples below come from the exercises for my August 27 and September 3 Concision and Plain Language workshops. Before reading the suggested revision, try to improve each sentence while preserving its meaning.
Upcoming writing workshops
Workshops focus mainly on live writing exercises along with teaching explanations and Q&A. Both active participants and passive listeners are welcome. Each session uses new material, so come as often as you’d like:
Each workshop runs from noon to 1:30 p.m. Pacific (3–4:30 p.m. Eastern), live on Zoom, and costs $145. The workshops are limited to 20 participants. Participants leave with a handout describing the techniques covered.
1. Eliminate redundancy
Original:
While trial courts can take judicial notice of the existence of pleadings in other cases and the fact that particular pleadings were filed in other cases, trial courts cannot take judicial notice of the truth of the allegations in pleadings filed in other cases.
Suggested revision:
Courts can take judicial notice that pleadings were filed in other cases, but not that their allegations are true.
First drafts normally overflow with redundant text. Redundancy occurs when writers make the same point in multiple ways or use several descriptive modifiers where one would do, either because the descriptors are synonymous or because one encompasses the other. The same habit can crop up when one uses two noun phrases where one will do.
In this example, “the existence of pleadings in other cases” and “the fact that particular pleadings were filed in other cases” mean the same thing. “Trial courts,” “take judicial notice,” and “in other cases” are then repeated.
Discarding clutter helps hold readers’ attention while giving them a more direct route to your point.
2. Get to the point
Original:
IT IS RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED THAT PLAINTIFF HAS PROVED ITS CASE BY PROVING LACK OF PROPER SIDEWALK ACCESS FOR THE DISABLED AND THAT PLAINTIFF HAS PRESENTED REASONABLE ALTERNATIVES AND DEFENDANT HAVING NOT PRESENTED ANY PROOF TO THE CONTRARY, IT IS RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED THAT SUMMARY JUDGMENT SHOULD BE GRANTED IN REGARD TO LIABILITY.
Suggested revision:
The Court should grant summary judgment on liability because Plaintiff’s unrebutted evidence shows inadequate sidewalk access for people with disabilities and the existence of reasonable alternatives.
Throat-clearing phrases force the reader to wade through meaningless introductory text before seeing a sentence’s substance. “It is respectfully submitted that” appears twice in this heading. Neither occurrence adds information the reader needs. “Has proved its case by proving” also delays the substantive point.
Concise writing prioritizes the reader.
If an idea can be communicated equally well in two ways, lawyers should choose the more concise way unless they have a good reason to do otherwise. Delete text that does not convey important information or serve some other reader-oriented purpose.
Line editing for concision is the easiest part of writing to teach and learn. Bloated phrases and redundancies often follow patterns that are worth memorizing so that you can recognize and correct them immediately. Learning to see the words and phrases you can routinely delete or condense leaves more attention for coherence, organization, rhythm, and persuasion.
Details and registration for upcoming writing workshops
Ryan McCarl is a partner of the business litigation firm Rushing McCarl LLP and author of Elegant Legal Writing (Univ. Cal. Press 2024). For more tips about legal writing and argumentation, subscribe to the Elegant Legal Writing blog and follow Ryan on LinkedIn. McCarl’s book is available on Amazon and Audible.
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